I never expected to become a stay-at-home dad. In fact, I had never even thought about it—until life changed suddenly, and I didn’t have much choice. Imagine trying to handle important work calls with a crying baby in your arms, or rushing from therapy appointments to work meetings, while also coordinating schedules so someone could be home with your child. There were no breaks or backup, and simple tasks suddenly felt impossible. That was my life.
In May 2023, my wife and I took placement of our foster daughter. She was born extremely early and spent months prior in the hospital facing numerous challenges. By September, it was clear that her unique needs required more attention and care than I could give while working full-time. Due to her extensive needs, daycare wasn’t an option.
During this time, my life was also difficult in other ways. I had recently lost my father to cancer and was still hurting from losing a foster son we thought we’d adopt. Everything felt overwhelming. After many long talks and sleepless nights, I decided to choose my family over my career in child welfare. I became a stay-at-home foster dad.
This is my story about making that choice, what I learned, and how giving up my job to focus on parenting became one of the toughest yet best decisions I’ve ever made.
When Life Turned Upside Down
Grief, Loss, and a Full House
Just before deciding to stay home, life was…chaotic, to say the least. My father had recently passed away. Around the same time, I had to say goodbye to a previous foster son who I thought I was going to adopt (I share more in Saying Goodbye to a Foster Child if you want that story). Then, as if my life needed another twist, I took in my then newborn foster daughter straight from the NICU. She had a wide array of medical needs as well as multiple therapies each week. My job at the time was hybrid but I had a lot of days where I was out in the field—visiting kids, attending court, making phone calls, etc. It didn’t take long before I was completely overwhelmed. Trying to balance work and caring for a special needs child felt impossible. And just a few weeks after my daughter arrived, we accepted placement of our foster son—who we would eventually adopt.
Suddenly, I was trying to manage the needs of two children, both with trauma histories, in the middle of grief and professional obligations. I had no doubts I could meet all of their needs but something had to give, and ultimately that something was my career. For me, that was okay. While I was passionate about my work and loved what I did, it wasn’t the only thing in my life that mattered.
Why Fostering Changed Everything
Having worked in child welfare for over six years, I knew the system from the inside out. I had seen firsthand what happens when kids fall through the cracks. My foster daughter wasn’t just another case—she was part of our family. And she needed the kind of round-the-clock care that no typical daycare could possibly provide, especially given her complex medical needs.
Fostering was the primary influencer of my decision to be a stay at home dad. After we took placement of my foster daughter, made that commitment, her needs took priority. I’ve seen the effects of placement changes on kids in foster care. More than 1/3 of foster kids will live in 3 or more different homes each year. These changes are disruptive, traumatic, and leave a lasting impact on their sense of safety and trust. These kids are often removed from abusive or neglectful bio homes and placed into foster homes that are supposed to be safe havens only for them to be told they’re too bad or unmanageable so they’re uprooted and moved to another home. If you’re a child in that situation, how do you ever trust anyone? Can you trust anyone?
Walking away from my job felt like the only viable path forward. It wasn’t an easy choice, but it was a clear one. Even though she was technically a foster child—someone who might eventually leave our home—I couldn’t imagine disrupting her life by having her placed somewhere else simply because our schedules were too packed. The thought of that was unbearable. She deserved more than that—she deserved stability and love.
The Decision to Stay Home
Finances, Logistics, and Emotions
It wasn’t just one factor that led me to this choice—it was all of them. There’s so much that is directly affected by a change of this magnitude that you have to take into consideration. Can one income cover the mortgage, groceries, utilities, and daily expenses? Could we live comfortably, not just survive? In my situation, we were fortunate enough that finances weren’t a barrier but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t require sacrifices and adjustments. We had to take our budget seriously and be willing to fully commit to it if this was going to work.
Emotionally I felt conflicted. I’d be lying if I said part of me didn’t feel embarrassed and less “manly” for staying home while my wife became the breadwinner. I wrestled with internalized beliefs about masculinity, success, and what it meant to be a provider. Our society paints this picture that men must be big strong protectors while women take care of the kids. As much as I disagree with that, I couldn’t help but feel like everyone would judge me or view me as less of a man. In the end, I knew that the best way for me to support my family in this moment wasn’t with a paycheck. I realized that true strength sometimes looks like sacrifice, and that providing for your family doesn’t inherently mean bringing home a paycheck.
Another factor I had to consider were the pure logistics. A specialized daycare that could take my foster daughter would cost nearly as much as I would make in a week. On top of that, there’d be several days I’d have to pull her from daycare for doctor and therapy appointments. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense to stay home. Daycare costs alone are a major reasons why many parents make the decision to be stay at home parents. According to a study by KPMG, the cost of childcare since 1990 has risen nearly 263%. More and more families are facing this dilemma of child care costs. For many, it can be very expensive especially if you have multiple children.
Do Foster Parents Get Paid?
Two questions I hear often—both in relation to me being a stay at home dad but as well as in general—are: “Do foster parents get paid?” and if so “How much do foster parents get paid?”. The answer is kind of. Foster parents receive a monthly reimbursement from the state to help cover the cost of the foster child’s basic needs like food, clothing, transportation, extra-curricular activities, etc. There amount varies widely depending on the state you live in, the child’s age, and their needs. For example, a child with extensive medical needs will likely qualify for higher rates due to the added care they require(frequent medical appointments, cost of services, special needs, etc).
What’s important to understand is this isn’t a salary. The money foster parents receive is a reimbursement. People tend to have this stereotype in their mind that some foster parents do it for the money. While there certainly may be some that take this money and use it for reasons other than it’s intended purpose—the kids—those are rare occurrences. The reality is the amount foster parents receives usually doesn’t even cover the costs of caring for a child. For example, the cost of child care for ONE WEEK is more than the amount I receive from the state for a combined 2 months. And that’s not factoring in food, clothing, toys, school supplies, and the list goes on.
This is a big topic that deserves its own post, so stay tuned. I plan to share more about how foster care reimbursements work, what they cover, and common misconceptions in a future post.
Expectations vs Reality: The Transition
I thought once I stopped working, things would get easier. After all, I had been balancing both work and caregiving. Dropping one of those would surely free up time and energy, right? Not quite. The reality hit hard.
I admit that before I actually became a stay at home dad, I had this belief in my mind that it was easy. That people who stayed home were lucky to not have to work. For the first month or two it was nice. Getting to stay home, not worry about going into work. Just focusing on the kids. But this honeymoon period evaporated quickly.
The Challenges: Isolation and Exhaustion
- Isolation: I went from talking to dozens of people a day to going hours without any adult conversation. It was lonely. There were days where I didn’t leave the house, where I didn’t talk to anyone besides my kids. That kind of isolation can sneak up on you. At first, it felt like a break from the world but over time, it starts to chip away at your mental health. You begin to crave adult interaction, meaningful conversation, and even just basic human connection.
- Exhaustion: Caring for a toddler is physically demanding. Caring for a special needs toddler? Absolutely exhausting. Lifting, chasing, feeding, comforting, cleaning—all on little sleep. It’s full-contact parenting, 24/7. And there’s no lunch break.
I wasn’t prepared for the mental toll staying home would take on me. Guilt about not working. Doubt over whether I made the right decision. Shame when I saw other dads going to work while I was changing diapers. And the loneliness of it all. Depression in stay at home parents is very real and often not talked about. According to this poll by Gallup, stay at home mom’s consistently reported feeling more depressed and sad then their working counterparts.
Over time I slowly found my rhythm. I started to appreciate the moments that made it all worth it—the snuggles, the giggles, each new milestone. I started to give myself permission to feel proud of this path, even if it looks different than what I once imagined.
A Day in the Life: Chaos and Comfort
Each day looks a little different, but they all have the same pattern: wake up, take care of the kids, and survive until bedtime. Here’s a glimpse of a ‘typical’ day for me:
- 6:45 AM – My son wakes up. I get him ready for school, make breakfast, give him his meds. The school bus arrives by 7:30.
- 7:30–9:00 AM – If my foster daughter’s still asleep (especially after a rough night), I try to grab a quick shower or knock out dishes. Sometimes I even sneak in a few minutes of writing.
- Morning Play – Once she’s up, we have breakfast and play. She’s at that stage where she loves exploring—banging doorstoppers, crawling, climbing, flipping through books.
- Therapies – Each session or appointment takes time and energy, and getting her ready and out the door is a full process.
- Lunch and Nap – After lunch, she usually naps for a couple of hours. This is my golden window. I clean, work on side hustles, write blog posts, or just breathe.
- Afternoon Chaos – After nap, I prep dinner, pick up my son from aftercare, and referee until bedtime.
- Evening & Night – Baths, stories, snuggles. If we’re lucky, they’re both asleep by 9. But our daughter’s sleep is unpredictable—some nights she’s up until midnight or wakes up at 3 AM.
It’s certainly not glamorous or exciting but it’s the life I chose. The life I love.
Simplifying Things to Make Life Easier
I’ve gradually began to develop ways or found products to make my days smoother and a little less overwhelming. They aren’t miracle fixes but they help to contain the chaos.
- Simple Meal Planning- I lean heavily on one-pot meals that I can toss in the slow cooker or pressure cooker. Set it and forget it. I also like to do meal prepping so that I can have lunches and snacks ready to go so I don’t have to worry about it on a daily basis.
- Visual Schedules- For my son in particular, he thrives off structure. I find that visual cues help him know what to expect each day. With kids who have a history of trauma, this helps transitions go much more smoothly.
- Scheduling Time for Myself- It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle each day. There’s been countless times where I look at the clock and realize it’s 4pm and I haven’t even stopped to eat. I’ve found that setting a time for myself helps me to actually take a break. Even if it’s just 5 minutes for coffee, reading, or to simply breathe.
- AI Tools- The world of AI is constantly evolving. From ChatGPT to Google’s Gemini, there’s an abundance of AI tools out there. For myself, ChatGPT has been incredibly useful as a tool for parenting. I use it for basic questions to more advanced tasks like helping me create a reading chart for my son.
My Favorite Parenting Tool I’ve Received: The Skylight Digital Calendar
This past Christmas, I was gifted the Skylight Digital Wall Calendar, and let me tell you—it’s been a total game changer for managing our busy family life.
This isn’t your typical calendar. It’s an interactive touchscreen that lets you:
- Display your favorite memories with a digital photo frame mode
- Create custom chore charts and reward systems for your kids
- Search recipes and plan your meals right from the screen
- Import events automatically using AI (even from emails or photos!)
Just yesterday, my son came home with one of those “don’t forget” picture day flyers. I snapped a quick photo of it with my phone, and the Skylight Calendar instantly created a calendar event so I wouldn’t forget. As a busy stay-at-home dad juggling appointments, school events, therapies, and more—it’s like having a personal assistant on the wall.
If you’re a parent looking for an easier way to organize your family’s chaos, this is 100% worth checking out.
The Financial Reality: Budgeting, Side Hustles, and Real Talk
Going down to one income wasn’t easy. Before I left my job, we made sure we could cover essentials. Discretionary spending took a hit though. We started planning everything: groceries, birthdays, holidays. Every dollar had a purpose.
At first, I didn’t pursue side income—I was just trying to survive. But a few months in, I started testing the waters:
- Appen / Telus / RWS: Task-based gigs that paid about $11/hr. Flexible, but inconsistent. The tasks themselves are repetitive and can burn you out quickly.
- FreeCash: Earn money by downloading games and playing.
- Focus Groups: Mostly duds. Lots of applications, few invites.
- Amazon Mechanical Turk: Quick, low-paying tasks. Fine for pocket change, but not reliable as a steady source of income.
- Omni Interactions/Live Ops/Working Solutions: Pay was reasonable. I did contract customer service work for TurboTax on Omni’s platform. It paid $16/hr and you set your own schedule. Great in theory, but tough when your toddler won’t nap.
- Upwork: Competitive. Tough to get started without a niche or portfolio already established.
Which Platforms I’d Recommend
Each of the platforms I listed has its pros and cons. What some people find useful, others may not. To me the task based gigs were so repetitive I just couldn’t stick with them. The ones I’d recommend are FreeCash and Omni Interactions (or a similar platform).
FreeCash is relatively straightforward. Advertisers pay to have people(like you) download their game and play it to boost their popularity and ranking on the app store. Over the past 3 weeks I’ve downloaded and played 4 different games. Which earned me $27.31. You’re not going to be able to get rich or quit your job doing this, but throwing it in to a savings account and it can add up over time. If you’re interested, check them out here.
Omni Interactions or a similar platform like Live Ops are contract based customer service jobs. I’ve used Omni so that is who I’m basing my opinions off of. Essentially the way it works is you apply for contract openings as a freelancer. If hired, they put you through job specific training. For me, I was hired to do contract work for TurboTax as a customer support agent. The nice part about this was I could choose when I work but you have to schedule in advance. This is where I had issues. I have my 2 year old at home so I would run into situations where I scheduled myself during expected nap time but she ends up not napping. Otherwise, once you’re into the program there’s consistent and reliable work at a reasonable rate.
Final Thoughts: Why I’d Do it All Over Again
Despite the sacrifices, I wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve had the chance to watch my kids grow up and develop a bond with them that I would have never been able to otherwise. As cliché as it may sound, being a stay at home dad I’ve discovered a version of myself I didn’t know existed.
My Advice for Future Stay-at Home Dads(or moms)
- Make a Plan – Budget. Talk it out with your partner. Know your numbers.
- Have a Backup – Build an emergency fund. Life happens. Utilize side hustles to generate income.
- Build Your Village – Find other parents, neighbors, friends who understand.
- Give Yourself Grace – This isn’t easy. But it matters more than you know
If this post helped you or gave you something to think about, I’d love to hear from you. Whether you’re a foster parent, thinking about staying home, or just trying to make sense of the chaos—know that you’re not alone. Check out my latest posts here and follow me on Facebook!
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